Dear friends and family,
I hope you all had a blessed Easter. I have to admit that I got a bit homesick during the Eater holidays. All of my roommates suddenly got time off and decided to go to home. I woke up Easter morning, a bit sad and lonely…and found it to be snowing outside! “It’s a Christmas miracle!” I thought, before remembering which holiday it was. The snow was a nice treat, and a start to a good Easter. My supervisor and his wife had me over for dinner, along with their flatmates and guests. It sort of resembled the last supper, as all twelve of us crowded around a low table on the floor to share an Easter meal together.
Lent itself was a beautiful experience in our High Anglican Church. Things are taken quite seriously; we covered up the cross and altar as well as the icons for the entire season of Lent. We also held Lent groups in people’s homes, focusing on the gospel of Mark and its Easter account. And it seems like everyone in the congregation had a list of “fasts” for Lent, giving up things such as chocolate, alcohol, and meat. My supervisor even spent two days a week as a vegan.
As a good Lutheran, I considered fasting during Lent but didn’t actually follow through with anything. As it is famously said, “You know you’re a Lutheran when you feel guilty about not feeling guilty.” I admire my friends for giving things up, but I have never felt called to sacrifice something as mundane as candy. Last year I tried to give up chocolate; but rather than experiencing spiritual growth I went a bit neurotic. So this Lent season I decided not to occupy myself with worrying about chocolate or TV.
Yet it impressed me how much preparation, fasting, and waiting there is before the Easter celebration. Things were especially intense during Holy Week. The church seemed to be shrouded in a perpetual cloud of incense due to the additional services. I attended the Maundy Thursday service, which lasted an hour and a half, followed with a two and a half hour prayer vigil.
Just before the vigil started, we sang the words Jesus said to his disciples in the garden of Gethsemane: “Stay with me, pray with me….” I intended on staying the entire vigil—‘Yeah, Jesus, I won’t fall asleep;’ but after only an hour I was Jesus’ disciples, unable to keep my eyes open. It also left me too “church-outed” the next day to go to our Good Friday vigil, a three-hour service in the middle of the day.
So High Church Lent is beautiful, but also a bit too rigorous for me. Yet I found it quite inspirational to be surrounded by so much ceremony and discipline. More than anything, it made me think about the merits of giving up innocent indulgences and holding services that last more than an hour. I realize these little sacrifices are not necessarily superficial; they potentionally bring the bigger picture into our daily lives. They are a daily reminder of what the Easter season is all about.
This struck me as I was contemplating what to include in this month’s newsletter. Aside from Lent, March has been a rather uneventful month. It’s been wonderful. My life here in London feels settled and familiar. Aside from Easter, I haven’t felt homesick, and actually have begun to see London as my home. I thankfully still have opportunities to be challenged and to grow, but things have pretty much settled down to a comfortable pace.
The danger of being comfortable is losing innovation. Our routines focus us on the necessary tasks of each day. It is healthy to take life one day at a time; but now that I’m stepping back to write my newsletter, I realize that I have taken little time to reflect on the bigger picture of my ministry. I haven’t been grappling with redefining the term “missionary” for my post in Primrose Hill, London. I haven’t reflected on the mission statement of St. Mary’s Centre and whether our work is engaging in it. And I’ve pushed the thought of leaving in this fall to the back of my mind, carrying on as though I’ll be here quite a while.
Maybe it’s a defence mechanism; I spent my first three months stressing over the fact that I was not a “traditional” missionary and didn’t make any clear differences. Focusing on today and the people I encounter helps me to make a small but real difference—but I must not stop dreaming big. I came with a vision of real community for this spiritually impoverished area. I had dreams of uniting people together, starting as small as potlucks or family gatherings. I’ve put many of these dreams aside, because I didn’t find support or simply got too busy with daily tasks.
So now that I am comfortable where I’m at, I can use this time to make my dreams a reality. Moments such as these, when I prepare my newsletter and reflect on my work as a missionary, remind me of the “bigger picture.” It’s like the Lent sacrifices that remind us, in the busyness of our daily lives, that there is more to life than what we see immediately before us.
Thank you again for the letters and emails of support that I’ve received from many of you. These are truly humbling and remind me to make the most of my time at St. Mary’s. They also challenge me to do my best and not just remain “comfortable,” as I am not working alone but carry the encouragement and support from so many back home.
I pray that you have a nice spring and enjoy some much-needed sunshine. Until next time, God bless!
Much love,
Amanda
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