April Newsletter! - Eric in the UK

St. Pancras News
April

Being Lost and the "Found"

After some long and extensive weeks, I decided to take a free day and go to the beautiful village of St. Albans (about 30 miles outside of London). It was so nice as the town contrasts London so greatly with the more peace and quiet. In my hurried preparation to go, I didn't really put in any details of the village in my bag so I didn't really have any idea where anything was. I decided that this was ok and just wandered around for a bit. I finally (after walking the wrong direction) found the high street and Central Square of the town. Then, walking further, I came upon the medieval Cathedral. I sat in the Cathedral for a while and then went walking around again before deciding to come back to the Cathedral. A wedding was just ending in the chapel, so I quietly stood around and admired the windows.

Upon my viewing of the various things in the Cathedral, I had a surprising tap on my shoulder and a rather tatty looking elderly man smiling at me. "I've seen you twice now walking up and down the high street and around the Cathedral", he said. "Now this is the third time I have seen you and with due respect sir, you look lost." Being surprised at this comment, I chuckled a little bit and said that I was just here from London and making it a day out. We talked for a little while about the wedding that was just ending as he knew the groom involved. "Would you like to walk up to the pub with me to get a drink- or don't you drink?", the man asked. Not being really sure (because of the man's outward appearance) if I would be the one paying for the drinks I hesitated for a split second. However, something about the man really struck me as being very genuine and real so I took him up on his offer.

He was, in fact, true to his word and bought me a pint of Guinness. As we sat down he said, "Now back at the Cathedral, I only meant partly that you look lost geographically.....I'm just going to be honest with you sir, you also look weighed down by something." Again, I was surprised at his very honest and upfront nature and replied that I did indeed feel weighed down by things. I suddenly realized that this day was probably the first day in a many weeks that I could actually allow myself to feel lost in a way. The stresses of work in London and my future obligations in life continue to put a lot of weight upon my shoulders, but don't allow much opportunity to outwardly show the stresses. "You can't let yourself be sucked in by things all the time.", the man said. "I'll be honest with you, I've been in that place too." He went on to explain how his job in aerospace engineering consumed both himself and his marriage. "I'll just be honest with you, you need to let yourself have times to express your insecurities but then also have people there for you who can walk with you in those insecurities. I've hadn't had that a lot in my life.", he finally said.

I was greatly inspired by what he had to say and his really honest spirit. We both sat and shared a lot about ourselves and what makes us feel "lost". After about a two hour discussion in the pub, it was time to go. "I'll be honest with you, you're a fantastic kid with lots of spirit and I respect you a lot.", he said as he shook my hand. As I was walking out of the pub, I turned around quickly forgetting to ask his name! "My name is Eric!", I said. "What's your's?" "Michael", he replied as he toasted his beer glass to me.

What I finally realized as I was walking back to the train station was the whole beauty of presence. Here was a man who thoughtfully acknowledged my being "lost" and who gracefully wanted to help. In many ways, Michael too was "lost" and gratefully thanked me for being there to help as well. BOTH of us needed each other in a way. We all get "lost" in our lives sometimes and burdened down with the stresses and responsibilities. In that struggle, there can sometimes be no more powerful thing than the presence and attention of another human being. Michael didn't give me any quick answers to solve any of the stresses or fears that I have, nor did I really give him any either. But what did lift both of us in the pub that day was the fact that there are human beings in this world that can give respect and share in struggles and stresses. Michael reminded me of that in a very real way. May we all have the courage to do to the same.

Tis' the Season of Taxes and Annual Church Meetings

There comes a point in every year where you take the time to pour over all of the numbers and issues of the past and try to focus on a new set of statistics. For many of us good citizens of the world, this comes in April where we pay our tribute to the spirits of tax and rebate. In the UK, there is no difference in this annual ritual and the church also participates. As part of a governmental order by the Church of England, all parishes need to have their Annual Parochial Church Meeting (APCM) in the month of April. Thus, I had the privilege to continue my observation in the way a church is run.

After mass at St. Michael's, all of the parishioners, priest, and church council (observed by some homeless people in the back of course) gathered in the sanctuary for the meeting. Father Bruce started off with his priest report which gave a very positive message on how St. Michael's has done without their parish priest of 12 years (Fr. Nicholas) so far. "We must continue our positive energy and show this community that we are not just a building, but a family ", he said.

Then it was Will's, the treasurer of St. Michael's, turn to share his report. Unfortunately, this report wasn't as rosy. Because of the dramatic rise in living costs within London, gifts to the church just haven't been able to keep up with the need. Therefore, St. Michael's Church has had to do some dramatic moves to keep it's costs down. One of these measures was not turning on the heat for the building this winter. The debate among the parishioners then began to commence. It was the question on everyone's mind: What can we do to keep costs down?

Now, it is a challenging job to keep any meeting on track sometimes. However, for some weird reason, church meetings are always the worst at getting off track. Being that St. Michael's is made up of such a varied population, it undoubtly is the king of "getting-off-the-beaten-path" meetings. "Why can't we just close the door when we are having mass?", asks one person. "I think we should invest in environmentally sustainable ways of heating our building", another person immediately responds. "Now going back to that first question", replies a third person, "We can't shut the door because it won't give as welcoming of a message." "And it lets the pigeons in!", came a response from the back. "Yeah! Pigeons are a huge problem right now, we just can't have them inside flying around." "I think we should shoot 'em", said a younger boy in the front row. "Yes! I motion that we get a guy in to shoot the pigeons in our church!", yelled an older lady. "I refuse to come to this church if we shoot pigeons...that is ethically wrong. We should have a picture of a hawk in front of the door.", yelled a younger parishioner. "Well, that will just look frick'n ugly!", said a person who I swore walked in just a minute ago. Father Bruce and Emily (the church warden) finally mentioned that we were on the topic of managing our costs, not of hiring someone to come in and shoot pigeons. Needless to say, it was one of the most amazing "meeting adventures" I have ever had! Amazingly, we actually were able to get some things done in the end. The parishioners voted in a new church council in, decided on some logical ways to cut costs, and even took some steps to start doing something with the pigeons. It's amazing on what can be accomplished, even when everyone seems to want something different.

I acknowledge Fr. Bruce and Emily for leading such a good meeting. One never really thinks about the usefulness of having skills to lead a good meeting, but they are very good indeed! In many ways, it must be the grace of God that some decisions are made in parishes. Father Bruce said it best as we were leaving the church. He turned to me, smiled, and said "See, there is a God."

A Lesson of Love

This past month I had the opportunity to spend some time with my girlfriend Abby. She arrived in the middle of Holy Week, the busiest week of the year for me in the parish. My schedule was very intense as I had to: prepare for mass every day on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, help create a Garden of Repose (very important in the Anglican tradition) and be at the four-hour long Vigil on Thursday, prepping two 3 hour long masses back to back on Friday, and finally helping with both the Easter Vigil on Saturday and Easter Masses on Sunday. Needless to say, the week was jam packed. Incredibly, we were able to find things to do alone together as in going out for dinner and even going to a West End production of Les Miserables.

It still amazes me as to how a relationship grows and matures in a long distance environment. The state of being in a long distance relationship continues to pose new challenges and questions that I never expect. Ironically, I found that this was never truer than when my significant other was physically two feet away from me! Funny how that is....

I think one of the joys and challenges that face any relationship which spreads a distance is that of images. These images of your partner build themselves within our minds, even when we perhaps don't intend them to. When you are living in a world that is independent from the world of your partner, I think it is quite easy for these images to flourish. And for the most part they should! Knowing that your girlfriend or boyfriend is there with you in spirit is a powerful thing that has helped me a lot through tough and stressful times in London. In this sense, there is something comforting within this deeply personal and almost spiritual presence of your significant other. I find this to be an amazing and incredible gift when you find it. It emphasizes another dimension to your relationship that is quite special and reminds you that you are never alone.

In another way I think that images from long distance can be challenging. I have found out that you must not let your images of the person turn into expectations. This is very hard, if not impossible to not let happen at least a little bit. When not reminded of the true physical person, your imagination starts to build upon their unique qualities and attributes- especially within stressful situations that you really want them there for. Without being acknowledged, these feelings can command your perspective of the relationship. In some ways, I think this happened to me.

Instead of walking off the plane as the "sexual goddess who always says the right things and does no wrong", Abby walked off the plane as .....Abby. So thus, the challenge came to start things over in some ways. Of course I did know who Abby was on one level throughout the 7 months of phone calls and emails. But what surprised me more than anything was how much I did not know her on other levels. One forgets when they are in a long distance relationship about all of the levels in a relationship. I found that I had forgotten about her physical energy and her amazing facial expressions, how she walks and carries herself, and her general physical zest for life. All these things create the balanced whole. Getting to know each other again can be quite stressful and hard. Especially in a foreign environment when you don't truly know which way is up or down.

What I learned more than anything about having Abby here was the many qualities of love and what it takes to enter fully into a relationship with one another. Love is romantic and should be full of "highs" as having a romantic dinner or walking along the beach. College relationships are perhaps more abundant with these "highs" and you get used to the constant buzz of romance. But love also has a tough side, a side that needs commitment and patience. This side of love can hit you like a ton of bricks and leave you feeling unprepared. It is something that couples usually have to struggle through- especially when dealing with long distance. However, when you come out on the other side of this love, which will happen, I find that you will be all the stronger and grounded.

And you know what? It's worth it. Perhaps it is God talking within me that is giving me the strength to carry on, or perhaps it is craziness. It is probably both. Whatever it is, I know how blessed I am to have this girl in my life and for us to share a love that spans 4,000 miles. It was an incredible faith and emotional journey to have her here in the UK with me. What will I remember most from the whole thing? Falling in love with the "real" Abby all over again.